Thursday, December 30, 2004

Accents...

Accents are a funny thing...Anywhere in the World you go, someone has an accent...Even anywhere in the US...I was watching Fear Factor last week and there was this guy from the East coast and he kept talking with a British accent, so the host asked him if he was from England and this is what he said...."Uh no I just play soccer with some guys from England and I ended up with this accent."...
Huh? Ended up with an accent? I mean was it like a rash? Once you get it it just spreads all over? So if I go and play frisbee golf with a bunch of preppies am I going to end up talking like them? "Yes dahling. Whatever you say daahling." If I go and hang out in Cuyemongue am I going to end up sounding like them?
The guy sounded like a dork and I'm pretty sure everyone except his soccer buddies thinks he is a dork...

And with that here is a photo of the view from our room when we were on our honeymoon in a small, quaint, little town in Northern Italy called Bressanone...





 Posted by Hello

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Story of a madman, Part Duex....

I've shortened it a bit this time.....


I sat out in my work shed for what seemed to be days, but looking at my watch it was only an hour. My mind was racing with ideas on how to kill Lucy. Should I drown her? Or shoot her? Or maybe poison her? I mean could she/it even be killed? I looked up and saw a photo of our son. Alex had been missing for 2 years now. My wife was shopping and just turned around and he was gone. No trace. Nothing. The weird thing was when the Police interviewed people at the store no one could remember seeing anyone the resembled my wife or my son. Now after everything I wonder if he really even disappeared, or if Lucy had anything to do with it. There was a knock on the door and I nearly jumped out of my clothes.
“Ted are you in there? Ted? I’m going to head to the store and I wanted to see if you needed anything”
Yeah a gun and a few rounds of ammo is what I thought. “I don’t need anything Lucy” is all I could get out though.
“Ok” she replied. “I’ll be back in a bit”
After I heard the car leave the driveway it felt as if a weight was being lifted off of my shoulders. I could plan much better with her gone. I decided that I would chop her up and burn her. One couldn’t be TOO careful when dealing with things you can’t explain. I grabbed the axe from the wall and began to sharpen it. I felt almost giddy knowing that in a few hours I’d be rid of what was living in my house. Rid of the evil that decided to invade my life and my sanity.
I kept thinking, “Could I get away with it? WOULD I get away with it?” I had to be very careful not to leave any trace of evidence of what I had done. The story that I had thought up was that Lucy had left me. She had been devastated by the loss of our son and had fallen into a deep depression over it. She just upped and took a small bag with some clothes and left. I’d act all sad and confused and maybe even shed a tear if I had to. As long as the police didn’t find anything to be suspicious about, it’d be a done deal. I grabbed the plastic from the cabinet and began placing it over everything in the living room. I would just tell Lucy that I decided to repaint the room. It sounded innocent enough. I hurried in hopes that I could finish before she got home. I wanted to be ready to do it in a flash. To bury the axe right between her eyes. I grabbed the axe and put it by the fireplace. She would see it there only if she went over and actually looked. I put garbage bags and string right by the inside garage door. Just as I got the paint and brushes out I heard the car door slam. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my chest. My ears were ringing and my hands were sweaty. Good god was I really going to kill her? What if I was making a mistake? What if she was right and I was imagining everything? I thought of the blood in the bathroom and of the marks on my face. No I wasn’t crazy. I had to keep telling myself this. There was no turning back now. I watched as the doorknob turned and the door opened. It was time to kill my wife.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

A story of a madman part 1....

Spring isn’t a very good time of year for me. It’s usually when I remember everything. Sure it’s in my mind almost every day, but Spring is when it happened. It starts out like a tickle in the back of my mind and when it’s over it’s like a tornado in my head trying to destroy everything. It picks and chooses what to destroy though. Slowly picking away until there will be nothing left. At least then I can get some peace. Oh sure I talk to people about it. I have to. I have no choice. Every day they try and make me relive it. But they usually like to shape it and mold it how they see it. Not how it really was. Usually when I tell it again I get the same sad smile. The one I like to call the shit-eating grin. It says “Sure. Right. You poor, poor man.” This is usually followed up with words that are supposed to be soft and soothing, but I hear them for what they really say. They say, “My god man you are insane. Wacko, loony and fucking certifiable.” They’ll never understand I guess. Hell if I didn’t experience it I would probably think the same things. But I don’t have that luxury. I lived it, breathed it, and now that I think of it I think I even smelled it. It was the stink of death to come. Of an evil that only I could see. Me. And now I am paying the price. And yeah, maybe I am paying with my sanity.I remember the first time I saw it. When I look back at it knowing what I do now, it’s easy to see what it really was. At the time I thought I was hallucinating. I thought that maybe the weekly joint I smoked finally killed enough brain cells. I look back and I realize I was living in a daze. Funny how a near death experience can make your mind clearer. Funny now that my mind is as clear as it’s ever been, I am now thought of as crazy. It started out one night while I was lying in bed. I was in and out of sleep. You know the feeling when your head is buzzing and you can’t move, but you can see your surroundings and think you know what’s going on? The time when after it happens you lie there and wonder if it was real or you were dreaming? Well it was one of those moments when it happened. My head was buzzing and my limbs were straining to move and I looked over and saw what was supposed to be my wife. All I saw was this mass. A black mass that was almost transparent to the eyes. Where I thought her ear should have been was a small tendril. It was wiggling and gyrating like a dancer looking for a quick dollar. It was almost mesmerizing. It kept moving towards me and in my head I was screaming loud enough to wake the neighbors, but nothing was coming out of my mouth. It stopped just a whisper from my face and sat there as if it were watching me. Flicking out like a snake's tongue trying to get a good taste of it’s next meal. When it touched me on the cheek a shock went through my body. Right after that came a most excruciating pain. Almost like electrodes were hooked up to my testicles and turned to high voltage. Of course I’ve never actually had that done, but the thought of it sure makes you cringe doesn’t it? After that I blacked out. Funny that I say I blacked out when I was really never sure if I was asleep or dreaming. When I woke the next morning I noticed in the mirror a small rash on the right side of my face. Looked more like a bug bite really. It was a small red ring with a little dot in the middle of it. I tried to remember if I had it when I went to bed and chalked it up to getting bit while I was sleeping. My mind was clouded with sleep and I couldn’t recall anything that I dreamed, so I chalked it up to a little bastard bug that snuck into bed with me. I went down stairs and saw Lucy standing at the kitchen counter. She was nude and her silhouette in the morning sun made her seem like an angel. She turned around realizing I was watching her and blushed. “Damn it Ted, you know how I get creeped out when you stand there and watch me like that.” I mumbled an apology and sat down to read the paper. She brought me a cup of coffee and when I looked up I saw that she was smiling at me. At the time I swore I could see fangs, and when I rubbed my eyes and looked back they were gone. Lucy usually looked radiant, but this morning it was like she was glowing from head to toe. She sat down next to me and took the comics section. “Did you sleep well honey?” she asked. I replied that I didn’t and was about to tell her my dream, but when I looked up she was deep into the Garfield comic. I told her that I thought I was bitten by something and that I had a rash on my face and she answered with a disinterested “Mhmm.” I finished up the Sports section pissed like I always do after reading that the Timberwolves once again blew a double digit lead and lost another close game. I always vowed I would wait to read the sports until after I got home from work, since it always left me in a shitty mood to start the day. Nothing like showing up at work pissed and then have to work with a bunch of fucking idiots who don’t know their head from their asses even with a map to show them the way.This day seemed different. Not only was I lethargic, but it seemed that my mind couldn’t grasp even the easiest tasks. Trying to add 2 plus 2 even seemed like a chore. I just figured it was because of my restless sleep. At noon I decided that I had had enough and told the boss that I was heading home since I wasn’t feeling well. He said that I did look a little rough and maybe I should head to the doctor to get the rash on my cheek checked out. He said it looked a bit infected. I just nodded and trudged out to my car. When I looked in the rearview mirror it gave me a start. On the cheek below my right eye the rash was ugly and mottled. It had what looked to be little veins flowing out from the center of it. My eye was bloodshot and had a goopy substance almost like pinkeye. It was hell driving home. My head began to throb and my throat became dry. I finally made it home and felt I was going to be sick. I was sweating like a pig and it was only 45 degrees outside. I hurried to the bathroom and found the door locked. “Lucy are you in there?” I yelled. “Lucy I think I’m going to be sick hurry up! I don’t want to hurl on the floor!” There was still no response. I put my ear to the door and heard a soft whispering. I couldn’t make out what she was saying. Right before I was about to yell again I heard a crunch and tearing. It sounded like flesh being ripped from the bone. After hearing that I couldn’t hold it any longer and lost it all over the bathroom door. I began to get dizzy and went right to the bedroom to lie down. I left the vomit in the hall. I didn’t care. I felt like shit and didn’t really want to take the time to go and get everything to clean it up. Yeah I’d hear it from Lucy, but right now I didn’t care.
I must have passed out because when I awoke Lucy was swabbing my face with a wet cloth and the room was dark. I went to sit up and my head began to throb again. “Lie back down Ted. You collapsed on the bedroom floor and bumped your head.” I looked up at Lucy and I swore her eyes were glowing. “How long have I been out?” I managed to say. “Oh about 3 hours or so.” Lucy replied. I felt the lump on my forehead. It was the size of a golf ball. “What the heck did I hit?” “I think it may have been the nightstand.” Lucy said. “I really don’t know though. I was in the bath and I heard this terrible crash and came out to find you on the floor near the bed. It was tough getting you into bed dear. I really think you need to lose a bit of yourself.” And with that she let out this low throaty chuckle. It sounded more like a growl. I looked over at the clock and it said 7:00 pm. 3 hours? But I was home at about 12:30, so how could I have been out for only 3 hours? “Lucy?” I called. “Lucy could you come in here for a minute?” All I got in return was silence. I got up and had to steady myself. I was still a bit dizzy. I didn’t feel right. Like something from my head was missing. I went into the bathroom to take a leak and that’s when I saw the first REAL evidence that something was wrong. All along the shower curtain and the tub blood was splashed. Bright; red, dripping blood. My mind went into overdrive. Good god was this what Lucy was doing while she was in here? And what in the hell WAS she doing? I began to panic. Should I call the Police? If I do how will I explain this? That I heard my wife whispering and then heard terrible noises? Who in the hell would believe it? Even I was having a hard time with the concept of my wife killing something, someONE in our bathroom. Where was the body? There were no drag marks out of the bathroom. I leaned against the sink to calm myself. I ran my hands over my face and looked into the mirror. All I could do was stare. From where Lucy had said I hit my head all the way to the mottled patch below my right eye, veins had wrapped itself around and connected the two. My face was sunken in a bit more than usual, and what used to be the white of my right eye was now the same color as the bathroom. Bright and red. I left the bathroom and went into the garage to get something to clean the mess up. I was a walking zombie. My mind stopped asking questions and pretty much stopped all thought process whatsoever. As I was walking back to the bathroom I became more and more dizzy. I tried to steady myself against the wall but fell. I began to feel myself passing pout again. The last thing I saw before darkness overtook me was this large black mass floating towards me and that same small vine like thing reaching out to say goodnight. My sleep was fitful and dream laden. Tossing and turning, never really waking, but fully knowing that what was next to me wasn’t human. I awoke in the morning to the smell of cooked bacon. I headed into the kitchen not knowing what I would do next. Standing in front of the counter was what I used to call Lucy. It seemed that every morning the way the sun shone on her made her look like an angel. Angel my ass. This was something evil. Something straight from the pits of hell. I smiled and said good morning. I wasn’t going to let her know that I knew what she was. Or wasn’t. “Good morning hon.” She replied. “Did you sleep well?” Funny how she never noticed how my face was changing. Being shaped into a motley crew of veins and rashes. “I slept great dear, just great.” I answered. “Man that smells great. I’m so hungry I could eat the ass out of a dead rhinoceros.” I added. “Oh Ted that’s disgusting. Why do you talk that way?” I chuckled at that. Lucy telling ME I’m disgusting. Sure this coming from someone who most likely ate the ass out of a dead human. I decided to ask her about the blood in the bathroom. I wanted to see what her reaction was. “So honey, did you happen to see all the blood in the bathroom last night?” She stopped what she was doing and turned around. If it had any real emotion, I think fear may have been one of them. “Blood? Did you cut yourself shaving Ted?” That was a joke. You could tell I hadn’t shaved in a few days. “Not at all my love.” Boy was I laying it on thick. “ There was blood all over the tub and the shower curtain.” “Well dear,” she replied, “I think you hit your head harder than you think. You must have dreamed that while you were out.” How did I know she’d reply in that way. I finished eating and headed out into the workshop. I needed time. Time to think of how I was going to stop Lucy from killing again, killing me. Time to think of how I was going to kill HER.

Monday, December 20, 2004


A piece of Roman history Posted by Hello

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

My brother-in-law had the right idea with posting photos of places he had been. Although I haven't been to as many neat places I will post what i have from time to time....I'll start with Austria....This was above a small alpine village called Mayerhoffen....The road ends at this town and you can't go any further into the alps by road from here....

Looking at the Alps from hig above.... Posted by Hello

Funniest line on TV ever...

On NYPD Blue last night the gay character, John, was offering his help to two of the detectives, Clark and Sipowicz....

John: "Detectives, about that homicide case you're working on? There are two bars near there that on the outside look respectible, but on the inside it's a place for hookers"

Sipowicz: "Ahh...So are they penis hookers or vagina hookers?"

I never laughed so hard in my life...Well except for the American Pie line about the flute and band camp......

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Cialis.....

I saw the commercial for a drug called Cialis yesterday....
They talked about the urgency for a doctor if you have an erection for 4 hours and more.....
4 hours?? Hell most women would be happy for 4 minutes.....
I'd wouldn't be surprised if their stock RISES after all the women go out and buy their husbands perscriptions by the truck load......
=o)

AM I a madman?

Hmm...that is a curious question....Only time will tell and you may be the judge...
What you'll find here are going to be random thoughts....A little poetry maybe...some lyrics....And a few short stories......Call it my random bitching post if you will.....
Read at your own risk.......
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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